waiting for mail

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time has taken the place of memories
they seem to become distorted into a more familiar pattern
the black and white
more able to be stored away deep within
and yet, the seeking of closure is lost in the fog
seeking of explanations
maybe desire for more, desire for what never was
maybe apologies
reasoning
a waiting for justification.
we all are victims in this place
between illusion, delusion and coincidence
only to hear the words that never are spoken
longing, peering into the distance
dwelling on the need for conclusion
from far away, we share
insecurity and wonder
our memories lie incomplete
waiting for the mail

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finding the music

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The light fades
dying to the rhythm of passing cars

sudden sporadic darkness brings
tiny lapses in time

a musty smell of all the travels
breathes life into the dusty dancing walls

the light finds a way through the window
peering onto a perfectly woven seat cushion

and the sounds of rattling of minds
beg to be heard again

softly the song plays through this abandoned train

love steps

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all she feels under her feet
walking through summer nights
she tries to satisfy the distance in his face
and she’s under another
pierced by his eyes-
two like delirium
two-twice as nice
she finds the steps
and pretends their romance
in his blindness, she pretends
thinking she’s safe-
a shield of familiar
just a different pace
she studies the words
written under the strategy
she dances over the tension
lyrics of the insane
she laughs against the beauty
and falls beside the plain
and she tells him to meet her in the morning
to stay forever-
though she knows he is gone

Routinely

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A closet door stands open in front of my eyes.
I look long enough to contemplate.
I hesitate to shut it, hesitate to leave it open.
It annoys me with purpose.
Secretly, I know once again-
It will have to swing open.
It will need to.
And yet, after deliberation, I push it shut.
Hard as I can.
Hard as I maybe am.
Time passes in the busyness I create.
Over and over and over-
back in front of this door,
I forgot I put it away.

catching the sun

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flickering at first
starting to peer into you
watching from the most vulnerable place
a place far away and close enough
to find a source of energy
the rush of a new picture in your mind
the hollowness of knowing it won’t be the same
emotions fuel your fingertips
tap tap tap on the glass of this windowpane
a window to the shadows
a spectrum of only. if. maybe. again
the time seems to fly through your bones
existence is stuck in the sinking commotion
how do I tell you to find me another day?
how do I show you how I exist?
how do I sing a song so sweet
so sweet that the salt fades into sugar
I imagine you and me in shaded grass
a place we have never met
where it makes sense
my toes are heavy on the crispness of
the lightness of light, of unbound bareness
it’s here-you find a way
to breathe into my weary soul
I find a way to let you
nothing else but nothing more, nothing less..
this is where we start to run
you and I and a place that might have been-
both longing to catch the sun

without a word


I break a sheet off
the sharpness numbs my fingertips
the fragility pulls the air from my lungs.
I can’t breathe,
believe
the words in like oxygen float in front of my gaze.
Dancing-twisted
un-rythmatic
pattern-free
persistence.
I am intrigued by my ability,
the effortless way I create delusion.
I am comforted by becoming the girl in my memories.
some not true
some not me
some not you
I am still staring at this single sheet
the crisp and clean white piece of perfect.
I fight for the right words to compliment its existence.
I beg for courage
to begin
to pick up the pen.
Time ticks-the millions of clocks-
the beat of my heart louder each second.
I see a single match-
swift and routine
breaks the silence of this night.
The clattering of my mind,
becomes light.
A single flicker of burning fuel
scatters life back to my hollow eyes.
All the things I wanted to say
but never said,
the things I wanted to do
but never did,
on fire in front of my face.

neon lights and stars


so, so I see
under neon lights
and stars
ignite  my freedom
the curtain closed
anticipate it open
I stare, stare
so long
I breathe it in
hoping to find me
every day
as sure, sure I say
forgotten
forgiven
let go
off my shoulder tops
breathe out of my soul
so alive, alive
under a new sky
revived eyes
unexplored steps,
my feet keep step,
stepping
I look for the next
place
I am
designed to be

talk


a story for a story
your journey and mine
so far away at times
and I watch the memories
flood your eyes
I see the lines on your face
create a map of your past
I feel safe and comforted in the
way you talk about your days
I have an unidentifiable love
for hearing you speak
please exist longer with me this time
don’t back down
don’t hesitate
don’t question your soul
when your voice starts to shake
don’t you see-it’s just me
and a hot cup of tea
priveledged to share your company

stuffy


it’s stuffy in my room
the air-heavy like fog
floating in my mouth
filling my mind with water
and my thoughts are throwing

      waves
      against the side of
      my brain

the heat makes the drawers stick and
creak as they
rattle…open…
and the old memories smell
like musty letters,
rusty nails
I am drowning in the sea of me
the tide is rising
and the air starts to taste like salt
a million emotions
clouded with a million degrees

I watch the fan-round-and-round-and-round-again

my neck is sticky
I lie here.exposed.