without a word

I break a sheet off
the sharpness numbs my fingertips
the fragility pulls the air from my lungs.
I can’t breathe,
the words in like oxygen float in front of my gaze.
I am intrigued by my ability,
the effortless way I create delusion.
I am comforted by becoming the girl in my memories.
some not true
some not me
some not you
I am still staring at this single sheet
the crisp and clean white piece of perfect.
I fight for the right words to compliment its existence.
I beg for courage
to begin
to pick up the pen.
Time ticks-the millions of clocks-
the beat of my heart louder each second.
I see a single match-
swift and routine
breaks the silence of this night.
The clattering of my mind,
becomes light.
A single flicker of burning fuel
scatters life back to my hollow eyes.
All the things I wanted to say
but never said,
the things I wanted to do
but never did,
on fire in front of my face.